Watch Lizard: Girl with the Cartier Santos 100 Carbon ADLC

 

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People become knowledgeable in horology for different reasons. Some want to know if what they’re buying represents good value. Some want to sound clever during parties. But most guys just want to impress others, like the hot chick at the corner of the bar. And when it comes to this domain, there is no one more superior at the art of Horological seduction than the Watch Lizard. These are his adventures.

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Friday, March 6, 2015. Paul Lamer’s Brewery, Singapore. I strode into this popular pub, frequented by white collared finance executive types, with the confidence of a man looking for a washroom. It was the weekend, and that means hunting time for the Watch Lizard.

I sat at a table which offered me a good view of the room. Almost by reflex, my keenly honed senses executed a quick scan of the ladies present and what they were wearing. There was a Rolex (a ladies’ Datejust), a couple of Omegas (mostly Constellations), a Swatch here and there, and also what looked like a really hairy wrist. In short, nothing very interesting.

A disinterested-looking waitress approached. “You wan do order?” she asked, thinking I was one of those persons who used the restroom without ordering anything.

adlc_cartier_santos_100_face_up“Uh, yes,” I replied, grabbing a menu. “I’ll have a chocolate milkshake. Shaken, not stirred. Or it’ll be called a milkstir. Haha.”She rolled her eyes and went “whatever” before leaving to get my drink. Right, resume mission.

And not a moment too soon – a group of weekend revellers were next through the door, and one of ladies had definite potential. Short boyish cropped hair, athletic, about 1.65m tall (I’m an engineer so I know), very pretty. More importantly though, was the Cartier Santos 100 Carbon on her wrist.

Hmm, I thought. Cartier is certainly a brand that appealed to women, and the Santos line in particular was an excellent choice for a daily beater. At about 36mm wide, the Santos 100 has been described as being small for men, but perfect for ladies. The obsidian-black carbon version however was something else, exuding raw power restrained by the soft flowing lines of the Santos’ classic design. The bonding of diamond-like carbon to the watch case at a molecular level made the watch extremely tough, and nearly impervious to scratches. It was like an iron fist in a velvet glove. A durian wrapped in Tiffany box.

I spotted an opening when she stepped away from her group to take a phone call, and decided to make my move. The leopard always pounces on the gazelle that strays too far away from the herd.

Approaching from behind, I whispered in her ear,“I see you like things black and hard.”

Startled, the gazelle turned and glared at me. “Excuse me?!?”

“Um…,” I went, surprised the move did not achieve its intended effect. “I mean your watch. The Santos. It’s black. And hard. Haha.”

“Oh.” She replied icily. She’s been put on guard, but I still had more than a few tricks up my genuine-lizard-skin-jacket sleeve.

“I’m Lee Zard,” I said, “but friends called me Leezard”.

She paused before shaking my hand reluctantly. “Charlie,” she replied.adlc_cartier_santos_100_coaster

Having established a beachhead I decided to press home my advantage; after all, rule #212 of watch lizardry states that one must never leave his watch half-wound. “You know it’s an interesting choice for a ladies’ watch. It’s a great design, but at the same time very tough and masculine. Very different from you, so feminine, so graceful…”

“It’s a gift from my boyfriend,” she said quickly, cutting me off. While other men might be deterred by this roadblock, the Watch Lizard knows how to turn defence to attack in one move. “He’s a very lucky guy, to have a girlfriend who has such great taste,” I probed cautiously.

“Not really,” she said, unwilling to extend this conversation any longer than needed. “I don’t really know that much about watches, I’m not interes-” Aha! An opening!

“Ok, let me explain. Cartier is really quite a fabled watchmaker, all their popular lines are adlc_cartier_santos_100_geminspired by very, very interesting historical events,” I pressed, not giving her a chance to talk. “Take for instance the Tank, which was inspired by a tank. Then there’s the Pasha, which was created for a Pasha who liked to swim. And your Santos was created by Louis Cartier for his friend Santos, who liked to fly.”

Charlie shifted about uncomfortably, as if a million ants just got released into her trousers. “Look, I really have to go,” she spluttered. But I was having none of that. A few minutes of my horological brain-washing/conditioning and she’ll be begging to take off my watch strap.

“Your ADLC Santos Carbon has a diamond-like carbon coating on the top layer, which makes it nearly invulnerable. It’s incredibly tough, so you can knock it against chairs and tables with no problems,” I explained. Expertly, I grabbed her wrist and wound it backwards, aiming her watch at the table. “Here, let me demonstrate!”

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“This watch gives me strength to lift a beer!”

“Let go of me! Let g-“ Charlie screamed as she struggled to free her hand.

I was so absorbed in trying to restrain her that I failed to notice the disinterested waitress approaching rapidly from behind with my milkshake (shaken but not stirred). “Here is your dri-“ she said, before walking right into the wildly-flailing Charlie’s wrist.

Needless to say, the contest between human flesh and the ADLC Santos Carbon can only yield one winner. Yes it was an unfortunate accident, with the watch embedded on the waitresses’ forehead (penetration rate: about 2.3cm). As Charlie and her friends rushed to stop her bleeding, I decided that it was time to withdraw. Not many people would have been able to see the positives from this episode, but that would be ignoring a very important takeaway: the Cartier Santos Carbon was truly a very tough watch, making it an excellent choice for ladies into bare-knuckled boxing.

And it ends the way it begins: the Watch Lizard walks alone. People become knowledgeable in horology for different reasons. Some want to know if what they’re buying represents good value. Some want to sound clever during parties. But many guys just want to impress others, like the hot chick at the corner of the bar. And when it comes to this domain, there is no one more superior at the art of Horological seduction than the Watch Lizard. These are his continuing adventures.

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Cartier Santos 100 Carbon, Reference: W2020008, Cartier MC 076 calibre movement (base ETA 2671). Amorphous Diamond-like Carbon coated case. Cordura fabric strap, sapphire crystal glass, waterproof to 50m. Recommended retail price: S$9,600.

A big thanks to Ms Charlotte Ng for letting the author fondle her watch.

 

One Response to “Watch Lizard: Girl with the Cartier Santos 100 Carbon ADLC”

  1. Paolo Santos Says:

    Excellent strategy. Women respond well to a man who has a knowledge of and profound respect for their jewelry and other girly accouterments. There was obviously something wrong with this woman you encountered. Hormone imbalance, I’d wager. Another great watch for women in the bare knuckle set is the less blingy though no less formidable 36mm Rolex Explorer.

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